About Jordan

Jordan is from Los Angeles, California, he enjoys game shows, talking internet, and munch!

016 -  Baa Humbug!

016 - Baa Humbug!

 GOAT SIMULATOR 3

 

Goat Simulator, is not a simulator game – that’s the joke.

 

What started out as an April Fools Day joke at Coffee Stain Studios would become a “j/k…unless?” that became the game Goat Simulator, it too, would release on an April Fools Day, and is the closest thing we have to a “parody” game series, similar to Pyst and Microshaft Winblows 95 from Parroty Interactive in the 90s.

 

Goat Simulator, would be an outrageous game that can best be described as “streamer fodder” – the kind of game that is best played to get the reaction from the streamer, and is the kind of maturity level of the primary target audience for twitch streamers – middle schoolers.

 

With years since the original game, the sequel has come out – Goat Simulator 3, if you’re saying “wait, where’s Goat Simulator 2?” that’s the joke, also, hey, have you played McPixel 3 yet? There’s a joke you WOULD NOT BELIEVE happens there also.

 

If you never played Goat Simulator before, you play a goat, you can baa, you can jump, and then the two bigger controls – you can headbutt and you can lick, that acts like a sticky hand that can attach to anything, making a mini wrecking ball.

 

However, the original one was a goofy game that gave you 2-3 hours of joy, and then you probably uninstalled it before seeing some of the expansions, such as the parody of DayZ, and even a cool space event.

 

But this game is worth $30 ($40 for the full ultimate DLC pass) and one must wonder – is it worth it?

 

First things first – the comedy of the game still remains in Goat Simulator, obviously. However, instead of hanging with Marshmello at a roofdeck or going into a sewer to see Ninja Turtles – the pop culture references range from “surprising” to “overplayed”. You have a Doom level in a mission involving a grandma on a farm, you also have a mission where you find bigfoot, which is a woman with big feet. There is a level where you go through a silent-hill themed haunted house, with annoyance and creepy photos (like wool dolls) hanging on the ceiling, with the joke being the repetition of going down the same cooridors is annoying – concluding with the obvious “scare” – you becoming a ghost! (a goat under a blanket)

 

The fun does not stop, as you detonate a bomb making a Fallout reference, a lighthouse that shows up making way for a Bioshock reference, and yes, Skyrim – right at the very beginning. With the game’s primary antagonist – the farmer, who is also the one that 4th wall breaks enough to point out how trivial the game is.

 

There are some new mechanics this time around – such as grinding, like in tony hawk, and another, where you can fast travel. This time around, Goat Simulator 3 is parodying the “open world” mechanic, with it’s fast-travel options (and more refences including Assassins Creed when you find the towers and yes, Grand Theft Auto in stealing cars)

 

The jokes go all over the place, lots of poopy poo poo refences (pool party becomes POO party) and there is a banana character that essentially takes a NPC player and essentially does a gesture that is MEANT to be “riding on a saddle” but with them unconscious – just looks like anal rape. Gotta love this cerebral comedy, real Rick and Morty levels.

 

Obviously, the game is meant to be full of laughs, and sometimes the outrageous surprises do create a “wtf lol” reaction, most times it’s a “oh, I know the star wars! THAT’S THE STAR WARS” and other times, the banana fucking. My favorite joke in the game, which I will spoil completely, is there is a convention going on, and while there is cosplayers trying to do a captain America knockoff, the ones walking around look suspiciously like Homer Simpson, just lots and lots of Homer Simpson, to which I did elicit a hilarious laugh.

 

And, if you are a guy who loves to see ragdoll physics people fall off buildings or falling into water – there is still some slapstick comedy to come from there, OR JUST A GOAT LOOKING LIKE THEIR NECK HAS BEEN BROKEN.

 

The game however, has glitched and crashed on me a few times, but I assume it’s more because I tried to record it and it just maxed out my hard drive – but hey, there are silly mini games with unlockable hats that do other silly things like shoot gumballs, shoot fireballs, give you wings and fly and other, VERY ACCURATE ways to be a goat.

 

However, the jokes and the comedy get pretty boring and jarring after a few hours, so it’s not a game you can be “glued” to for the 10-12 hours. And I think the game is best played when you don’t get spoiled online – but because it still remains “a streamer game”, if you aren’t looking to buy it, please see a longplay first, when those things happen.

 

One spoiler I will give happens early in the game when you visit a hot spring and there is a guy looking like he’s drowning with the mission called “RESCUE STEVE” when you pick up the person, the name is “NOT STEVE”, leaving you confused, when you realize it’s not a person, but a fish, you go insane looking in the hot spring for “Steve” for 10-15 minutes maybe going “WHERE THE HELL IS STEVE?” to which, you will find him located next to a peaceful water feature (still looking like all the other fish, just stuck)

 

Later on during this game, you will see a parody of Disney Movies, with a lovely trailer for something in the movie theater called “WHERE THE HELL IS STEVE?” and that, was also one of the other very clever jokes from this game. It’s ability to know what the player thinks, and writing a fake trailer and movie about what happened is a great type of game mechanic – the last time used in perfection was “The Stanley Parable : The Deluxe Edition” that came out earlier this year.

 

Goat Simulator and Stanley are both in that “satire the gaming market, and game development” in it’s feature, however as a 3rd person “goat” vs a “1st person stanley” – Stanley at least has a “narrative” in regards to the main villain (the narrator) and the desire for a perfect game. With Goat Simulator, the “narrative” of the game is practically irrelevant, until you do enough missions to go to the castle and meet with the farmer and get the boss fight.

 

Let’s conclude by answering the frequently asked questions – Did I have fun? Kind of. Was it better than the original? Yes. Is it worth the $30? Absolutely not, but I do think the developers of Goat Simulator were onto something, I just sort of wish they ventured out of Goat Simulator and took that satire approach to other genres. They had little glimpses in this game, such as the “haunted house” that was brought up, or in certain forced-perspective gags such as “seeing a shrink”.

 

I would’ve loved to see Coffee Stain expand away from Goat Simulator, because I think the writing and comedy and pretty “tolerable” programming means they could probably do a really good parody of Dating Sim games, or FMV Arcade Shooters, or even a “racing game” – I think the idea of just seeing an ostrich vs a golf cart vs a kid on a tricycle (with their accurate speeds) would be in their wheelhouse, and make for a hilarious game as well.

 

In conclusion – I got bored with this game after 3 hours, and I don’t know if streamers will keep playing this game as well, except in small doses as well. I do think if you don’t wish to be spoiled, you should pick it up when it’s half-off, but ideally, I would wait til it’s on Game Pass or Playstation Plus.

 

You get some enjoyment out of it, but you might also shrug at the Elon Musk levels of comedy in this game. It’s not terrible, but it’s not the best either.


Goat Simulator 3 is a 2… out of 5.

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We got taskmaster! We got RUN FOR THE MONEY: BATTLE ROYALE, we got GAME AWARD VOTES, and Thanksgiving Day Parade!

017 - Hive Minds

017 - Hive Minds

015 - Happy Birthday Atari

015 - Happy Birthday Atari