Happy 2021! January 1st is my favorite day of the year, because it’s the one holiday where you aren’t really expected to do anything.

There is no costumes to wear, no gifts to give, not even an excuse to drink, because most likely you did that yesterday and have a massive hangover. So today you’re sleeping in, watching youtube videos.

In other words, you are returning to your 2020 Covid-Lockdown protocol! Congrats!

While I will not suggest doing this all the time, January 1 should be the day to make it special. Maybe go eat a pizza and play retro video games. Maybe eat that weird dagwood sandwich of your dreams and bingewatch star wars all day. Who am I to judge?

Anyway, just to put up an update, THE FIRST OF 2021!

I wrote about my Top 10 Video Games of 2020 over at Giant Bomb

Because 2020 was really horrible, I decided to scrap my original plan for a recap video thing like in 2019, and instead decided to do a podcast The 2020 Recap Episode is Available on Patreon for the low cost of $0!

And of course, this update, like most updates are all things I really enjoyed and did last year. which may or may not contain the music of HEATHCLIFF (and respectful covers)

TWENTY THINGS I DID IN 2020

20. LEARN ABOUT GHOST KITCHENS

So, like many people stuck at home, I did the panic-purchase delivery app thing. Your Postmates/Grubhub/DoorDash summer full of different restaurants in your area, and the poor drivers getting paid maybe $8 to bring it to you (with tip included)

But Ghost Kitchens started popping up, A great chunk of them are places that served Chicken Wings, I found out. But it’s been fun finding out all sorts of things, such as when Chuck E Cheese decided to be “Pasqualle’s Pizza” thinking you wouldn’t figure that out, or even the YouTube Hype Squad “MrBeast” having a burger chain that actually has decent hamburgers.

Sometimes I do wish I could just pick-up these orders in the restaurant and eat it at a nice picnic table outside, but y’know, covid happened. Oh Well.

19. LATE NIGHT TV IS PAINFULLY BORING

We’ve all been there, we couldn’t sleep so we decided to watch some television. It doesn’t matter who you chose. Colbert, Kimmel, Fallon, Corden, Meyers or even one of the near dozen “chuckle the news” people on cable… it’s all sort of boring.

It was getting really awful in 2020 when they were without an audience, so every monologue they delivered in a McMansion disguised as a “homely home” read like really bad comedy tweets that didn’t get workshopped well enough. “The Flaming Hot Cheeto in Chief” was a favorite, as was “Tweeter Tantrum”, but hey, luckily Uncle Joe is here, so many the jokes will be better.

But if it wasn’t that, it was really awkward Zoom Calls. Really, REALLY, Awkward Zoom Calls. Celebrities don’t really know how to present themselves on webcam, they aren’t YouTube personalities nor are they actually on TikTok without a huge crew of publicists and makeup artists.

So every interview felt like I was rewatching CNN Archival Footage of the ongoing wars in the middle east.

“So tell me how it felt shooting the new movie”

“…”

“It was great Jimmy!”

“Wow, so you have been stuck at home in lockdown, how has that been treating you?”

“…”

“It’s been okay Jimmy, Can’t Really Complain, All My Friends in Broadway Just Lost Their Job!”

“That’s Awesome, Have You Been Making Sourdough Bread?”

“I can’t hear you, what?”

(DISCONNECTED)

Really riveting stuff! I’m not saying we need to revive the entire format of late-night talk, but when you break the formats down to it’s barest of bones, you can see how half-assed most of these shows really are.

18. DOING A PODCAST ABOUT GAME SHOWS TAKES IT’S TOLL ON YOU.

When I ended Game Shows, I Suppose, there were so many reasons I had to do it. Mostly, it was personal reasons, but also, making a podcast where I talked about a game show every week eventually took it’s toll on me.

I love that genre and no matter what still will, but 2020 was the year of a hundred or so game shows…

In no particular order, there was - Don’t, Holey Moley, To Tell The Truth, Labor of Love, Dodgeball Thunderdome, Craftopia, Dishmantled, Get a Clue, People Puzzler, 25 Words or Less, Karma, Master Minds, Supermarket Sweep, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Press Your Luck, Card Sharks, Family Feud, Celebrity Family Feud, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, Cannonball, The Price is Right, Let’s Make a Deal, Match Game, The $100,000 Pyramid and that’s not even including things like The Masked Singer, The Masked Dancer, I Can See Your Voice, The Revival of The Weakest Link and CBS attempting a Love Island and Big Brother, or what about the offerings on Netflix such as The Circle and Floor is Lava?

Essentially, I love game shows, but sometimes I see the list of shows on offer, and get really overwhelmed, originally, that load was easy, hey, Jeopardy is on, neat. Oh hey cool maybe they are doing a 12th Attempt at Password, righty-o.

I had to get a whole lot of formats from the UK, such as “The Wheel” or “First and Last” and essentially covering all sorts of new formats, it just becomes a bit of an overkill, And unfortunately, I really couldn’t appreciate all the new formats. Many of these formats, to put it bluntly - are rushed productions that were made with the same package deals that agencies do on most major sitcoms and dramas.

However, depending on the production, and how much time they spent on game testing or analyzing the outcomes that are possible, you had good formats, bad formats, and the forgettable formats like “Hot Ones; The Game Show”… oh you thought I forgot about Hot Ones? Yeah, maybe it’ll get a third season like “Misery Index”. It’s all brand synergy at the end of the day.

Wow, Cody Rhodes from All Elite Wrestling on TNT is a judge on “The Go Big Show” also coming soon to “TBS” the sister station to TNT? No Way! And they got Snoop Dogg who did “The Jokers Wild” with them? Utter madness!

Anyway, as covid continues, expect more game show reboots. FOX has “Name That Tune” with Randy Jackson and Jane Krakowski, ABC is giving us “Celebrity Wheel of Fortune” (Ohh Fancy!), “The Chase” (aka “The Game Show The Fandom Enjoys But American Audiences Get Confused By”) and a brand new game show called “The Hustler” which actually, for once, I am optimistic by, because it’s a game show that isn’t an adaptation of a pre-existing format! It wasn’t a hit game show from the 1980s nor was it a show from the UK that was successful for ten years. That I am actually very interested in how it plays out.

But hey, Wipeout is coming back, please do not look up a contestant died, it will really bum out your 2021 before it even began.

17. JEOPARDY IS STILL THE AMBASSADOR TO GAME SHOWS

This isn’t going to be quite as lengthy as the other numbers, I just want to point out, how Jeopardy is still a great game show, and it’s fun seeing people from all walks of life enjoy the format because of that one or two categories every night that they think they can excell at.

That’s simplicity at it’s finest, and why that game show works, and I have hope Ken will do a great job guest hosting the show, even if people really want to throw him under the bus for some reason.

16. COTTON CANDY IS GOOD

Everybody had that one thing they were really obsessing with in the lockdown. Some people it was crochet, others was sourdough bread, others were buying up all the LEGOs and purchasing.

For me? It was a simple purchase of one of those toy COTTON CANDY machines. You just put a few hard candies in the heating element and after five minutes you got yourself some cotton candy that’s pretty good.

One of the dumbest things I did in 2020 was play a game of “COTTON CANDY PLINKO” where I played with the cool PLINKO GAME available at target and decided to Cotton Candy different flavors.

I thought it was a great idea, but please don’t tell my dentist that! Also, please let them know I miss them, I just worry about safety protocol because of covid (And I have been Brushing and Flossing!)

15. RITZ CRISP & THINS ARE A GREAT SNACK

I know it’s going to be weird to bring this up, because it’s not a product placement and i’m not sponsored, but the Ritz Cracker company came up with one of the greatest snacks.

As a long time weirdo in front of a keyboard and mouse and microphone, I am so used to eating a bag of chips and the grease smearing all over the keyboard and mouse and then it has that weird “laquer” where it peels off that glossy black and you can’t tell what keys are what anymore.

And if you get the pringle, you get that annoying crumb all over the place.

RITZ, made something where the fust doesn’t stick on your fingers, there is no greasy mess, and you can snack on it and it won’t really get picked up by a microphone.

To me? That’s a game changer!

14. AMERICANS DON’T UNDERSTAND TASKMASTER

Taskmaster is one of my favorite comedy panel game shows ever made. It’s a really genius game show that follows all sorts of classic comedy styles, from slapstick to sketch to just the comedy-duo to pun, it has pretty much something for everyone as a comedy show.

The premise is simple - five contestants, almost always comedians are given a multitude of tasks and recorded themselves at a nice friendly cottage (or field or lighthouse or beach or lake) performing them. Some tasks are very straightforward (“Throw This Egg The Furthest”) others are more cerebral (“Make The Most Majestic Moment Happen, You Have Five Minutes”) and all of which have an assistant helping them out in their thinking, and ultimately judged by an authoritarian character known as “The Taskmaster”.

In the UK, it’s Alex Horne as Assistant (and Show Creator!) and Greg Davies as the Brutal But Hilarious Taskmaster.

In New Zealand, they tried with Jeremy Wells as the Taskmaster and Paul Williams as the Assistant

It’s proof of concept, comedians are willing to embarass themselves for the prize of “a golden head” and five items determined to fit an adjective noun at the start of the show. Essentially Five White Elephant Gags, but you could bring in something better if you think it’s worth points!

America, it tried with Reggie Watts, and it was a half hour, and instead of actual gag items, they decided to do personal possessions that meant something. Which ruined all the fun of the episode. Reggie, while a fantastic musician, clever comedian on things like Comedy Bang Bang and the leading expert in Multiple-Dimension Theory - he would have been a much better contestant than as the taskmaster itself.

Comedy Central Tried, and it failed.

The CW in 2020 tried airing the UK episodes, and it got cancelled after one episode due to low ratings. It was Series 8, Episode 1.

I am not saying “Americans can’t understand stupid comedy”, this is the country that’s full of “Cringe Compilations” and dads embarassing themselves on TikTok afterall. I think the problem is pretty straightforward - wrong casting (needs to be more diverse - young and old, and a more brutal taskmaster, and most likely an American Assistant that fits that “Nerdy Awkward Guy”)

If you’ve watched Impractical Jokers, you know people have no problems saying silly things in silly scenarios, so it’s weird an American version isn’t on a TruTV or even on a BBC America where it might have it’s audience of “People who know who Rhod Gilbert is” (me, that person is me)

But I think it’s also time to just face facts - there is no need for a “Taskmaster USA” if nobody wants it or understands it…

Taskmaster Canada on the other hand? Now we’re talking!

13. THE MANDALORIAN IS JUST OKAY.

Before the 24th, I never saw Disney’s “The Baby Yoda and Boba Fett Show”. This isn’t because “I fucking hate Star Wars” or wanted to be cool. Realistically, it was one of those “Wow the fandom fucking sucks, and ruined Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace” for me at an early age, so why even bother returning?

That’s right, I was the kid that liked Jar Jar, and liked Episode 1 : Racer and liked all that fun merchandise for Pepsi One with the C3PO, I saw that trailer online, I saw it and enjoyed the podracing and Darth Maul, I was 10.

And for a hot moment, oh hey, this is great, I am happy… then suddenly, like a black hole of negativity. STAR WARS IS BAD AND GEORGE LUCAS RUINED IT, so maybe I don’t give a fuck about your take on Disney Star Wars and JJ Abrams and The Last Jedi - it’s a stupid movie for kids, if the 8 year old wants to be a Space Fascist, then just let them, I guess.

But that show? Yeah it was okay. Maybe I’m not the most “Die Hard Fan” of Star Wars, that seeing another Cantina did nothing for me. Seeing Baby Yoda aka “Grogu” just felt like slight fanservice, but it did remind me of a joke.

People were emotional about the ending and giving their takes and “Feels” about it, personally it felt like a giant escort mission in a video game. Oh you delivered the package, now let’s go to the next mission, but I don’t think they care much about Bounty Hunter Yoda Postmates Shipman, they care about the Grogu, after all, the merch was for the grogu, and not really that transphobe actress? That’s good.

Will I watch a Season 3? Probably not. But it wasn’t as good as people made it out to be, but it’s also not the worst thing I’ve seen on a streaming service.

12. CYBERPUNK 2077 IS JUST EVERY VIDEO GAME FROM 2012 ONWARDS

Who am I, Jordan Hass, to review a video game? Especially a video game that took 8 years to make and ultimately frustrated audiences, because it had so much potential, but is also a sloggy, buggy, craptacular mess? It’s a solid THREE out of five.

But one thing most people don’t understand - everything around this game, has been gaming in the last decade. From the gatekeeping and harassing journalists, the over-reliance on Metacritic scoring, the obsessed fandom who is deeply troubled by anything wrong with it, because once again, they fall victim to a consumption-as-identity fallacy.

To the game itself, an open world mess, where you have decision points such as in the beginning, like it’s Mass Effect, to upgradable weapons like it’s Borderlands, to an expansive upgrade to your body, like it’s Crackdown or Infamous Second Son, to annoyances like Driving in a Need for Speed game, or dildos like it’s Saints Row or really poor puzzle hacking like it’s Watch_Dogs or the “body modification hacking oh no” like Deus Ex.

All the way down to the juvenile humor that could best be described as “somebody played South Park : The Fractured But Whole” for a weekend, and dumped out this script over a weekend and hoped for the best, they also were also thinking people liked DmC Devil May Cry because of the main characters talking about penis girth and not level design.

Everything you liked about this game, has been done better in another video game in the last eight years, Everything you didn’t like about this game has also been done in other video games in the last eight years.

Fallout : 76 had the same bugs as Cyberpunk, and the really awkward NPC characters? That’s straight out of Aliens Colonial Marines.

I am not saying take it out on CD Projekt Red, they are no different than any video game company doing crunch to please shareholders expecting a really positive Q4 Earnings Report. Ubisoft and EA do the exact same thing.

It’s just most likely you ignore it, because you rarely get hyped about a new Madden Game, you’re already buying one.

11. LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS POLITICAL

A real ongoing thing I hear is “WILL THIS GET BETTER” WHEN WILL COVID GO AWAY…

And the truth is - most likely never.

We are a nation of excuse-making and selfish-behavior. Everybody wishes they were “the lone wolf against the sheeple” .

When it came to COVID? “It’s a hoax, it’s not real” or “it’s a china problem” or “it’s a thing italy faces, but not here” and when it hit here “but that’s just washington not here” and slowly, but surely, we now have the biggest bodycount with this thing.

And what’s happening? “WELL THATS JUST PREXISTING” and no amount of doctors and nurses saying “yeah we are near max capacity we can’t bring in any new patients” leaving many to die from preventable things, makes it that much frustrating.

So now we are stuck on “BUT MY RIGHTS” loopholes, rather it’s “the religious liberty” (because “Separation of Church and State”) which means, sooner or later, you’re going to see casinos open up as “a place for worship” and indoor concert venues being “for sunday service” (sunday service being a nice way of saying “dance club”) and nothing getting better or done.

And when more and more people are losing a loved one, it will still never get better. People need to “protest” but it’s not stuff like Brianna Taylor or George Floyd where you need this moment of self-reflection of “oh shit, we did this bad thing” no, it’s the kind of crazy paranoia stuff that only binging on vitamins made with wood shavings and goat semen with bonus Coq-12 would give you - Kamala Harris is really a reptile and the masks all have mind-control… while some body with a “Don’t Tread on Me” flag is ready to deepthroat a boot if it can mean they can run a red-light the next time they drive to Aldi.

Everybody is coming into 2021 thinking “This WilL Get Better, Summer Will Return, We Will Have Our Events Back” and while I wish to be that optimistic. Reality is telling you “actually it just mutated because you couldn’t fix this fast enough so you’re going back to square one come April”

And we will see more of the same, zoom calls, angry people upset about small businesses hurting (yet many of them just landlords over these small businesses, they don’t really care about the family suffering the open-close weekly roulette inside)

And as long as we keep making excuses for shitty behavior, this will never improve.

This includes you, Instagram Gay Models, who I constantly see in hot tubs with a dozen other “influencers” saying “but we tested negative” but then a week later post “oh man just tested positive, send your prayer hand emojis”

And that’s not including, movies, television, music, everything!

10. NOBODY ACTUALLY READS THE WORDS, THEY JUST LIKE THE HEADLINES BECAUSE IT’S EASY TO SHARE ON SOCIAL MEDIA, AND THAT INCLUDES “LISTICLES”

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9. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD TIGER KING

Sorry, I understand it was such a “must watch show”, but I never quite got into it. But then again, that’s on my end. I’m not really fond of “TRUE CRIME” stories. It reminds me of all the detective dramas, once you’ve seen one murder, you become desensitized to it all.

It all felt like something that would be one singular episode of the revived Unsolved Mysteries, and not a full on series, but I figure it got appeal because the eccentric characters in the story, and Baskin being a cat-mom.

8. I FOUND MY COMFORT CHARACTERS

I have been around the internet, we are now at the point where “POGGERS” is said, which is the new “LIT” which is the new “AWESOMESAUCE” which is the new “EPIC” which is the new “COWABUNGA DUDE”

But essentially, a “comfort character” according to Urban Dictionary is “ a character, which can be from a TV show, game, book etc makes you feel safe and happy when upset, sad, down etc.”

Now this is not to be confused with “KIN” which is characters you associate or identify with.

So, to help you out.

Dick Grayson/Nightwing? Yeah, that’s a “Kin” because of the silly comedy and looks, etc.

But something like Kirby or Jigglypuff? That’s a comfort character, because THEY ARE JUST SO DANG CUTE.

I would ask which are your comfort characters, but most likely it’s a Winchester or one of those Doctors from Doctor Who, and who am I to understand every fandom?

7. I STILL CAN’T SING

(I just wanted to throw you off with this video)

Anyway, Twitch Sings came and went very fast, and while I enjoy the karaoke time spent with the service, it still taught me a very important lesson - please stop singing.

I know I am not a musician or singer, I know I am horrible at it, but now another game that’s like singstar told me I am terrible.

That’s really good on my psyche.

6. WHEN YOU ARE STUCK IN LOCK-DOWN YOU REALLY DON’T DO ENOUGH INTERESTING THINGS TO WARRANT A TOP 20 LIST

I am sure I would have watched Wonder Woman 1984 in theaters and just laughed within twenty minutes into it. But when I started this Top 20 List, I was really expecting this to be “life lessons” and not so much just recapping things people did and I did as well.

This list was written three hours ago, and I have no intent on checking for grammar and spelling, what you’re getting is what you’re getting.

Anyway, yeah, Wonder Woman 1984 isn’t good, but then again, neither was THE NEW MUTANTS, and that was a major disappointing film as well.

Maybe this is a sign, we should stop with the Superhero Films? Or maybe work on trying to make them better? Things like JOKER was fantastic, granted it was mostly joaquin phoenix as a character study.

5. RUBIK’S CUBE ARE THE ULTIMATE FIDGET TOY

This one wasn’t a lesson learned until later into the year, and it wasn’t because of me, but rather Vinny Caravella of Giant Bomb.

Essentially, I have a rubiks cube and its a good toy for me to just old and twist and turn, and without really caring about the pattern or getting the full solve in.

Maybe one day, I will actually pay attention to this thing, and actually try and solve it, but honestly, it’s like one part stress ball, and one part just easy energy, and plus, it’s like a retro toy and that’s pretty cool.

4. HADES IS A THIRST TRAP VIDEO GAME

Hades is a really fun video game, I love the action RPG, I love the generated dungeons and decision points. I love how even when you die, you still feel accomplished. I love the character design, everybody is a real hunk in this game.

So much about this game is just a fascinating world that you want to explore and is a fun way to spend a couple hours.

And is a game where it’s proof it’s okay to fail, and I think that’s a nice life lesson to have, while still having this classic “run away from home” aspect of it all.

I highly recommend playing this game, just because it’s one of those… comfort games? is that a genre yet? the game you just want to play to wind-down for a bit?

3. NOSTALGIA IS YOUR BEST FRIEND AND WORST ENEMY

I am going to be honest, I am always hit and miss with Nostalgia. While I love all sorts of reboots and revivals of shows, I personally feel it’s one of those “Funko Pop Economy” switcheroos, just if something has a minor cult-follow, it should be attempted for a reboot.

Some reboots in 2020 were REALLY good. I was a big fan of the reboot of “Spitting Image”, the comedy sketch puppet show that’s on Britbox, but also, I am a huge fan of the revival of “Supermarket Sweep” with Leslie Jones, one of the better reboots to come out, because only one act was focused on trivia, when the other two focused on the “run around the supermarket” (and even then, the mini sweep has a run around the supermarket round). And while there are reboots coming soon such as G4 in 2021, it' goes without saying, that they will try just about anything…

So much of the Disney package was rebooting former IP in the hope it engages, I mean, okay, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers? Sure. But maybe I really don’t have that “passing the torch” feel as many other people in their 20s and 30s have?

Thankfully, we don’t have to see a reboot of “Famous Show, But As Babies or Kids” like Tom and Jerry Kids, Baby Looney Tunes or Pup Named Scooby Doo, oh and Flintstone Kids, oh and All Grown Up.

But it goes without saying - Stranger Things Babies will be next, it’s all a matter of time.

Personally, I think we should just take the things we loved about the shows we grew up with, and make something that borrows those aspects and makes them better, and into something that the kids of today will fondly remember, instead of just what it really is a glorified small-budget hand-me-down.

The Animaniacs was great, Double Dare was fantastic, but personally, I would rather see new shows exist, so when these 8/9/10 year olds get older and more online, they can be the ones going “Hey, Remember Adventure Time?” instead of just seeing yet another attempt at Scooby-Doo, but this time they are all puppets.

I do believe we are creative, I do believe somewhere in the mid-2020s we will be at that point, people are going to get nostalgic over CONTENT CREATORS, and wonder “Hey, whatever happened to that Will It Blend Fella?”

Or most likely, a let’s player or professional twitch streamer, who quickly fled the internet, because massive burnout and the social media giants encouraging them to work longer hours for less money, and the toll it takes on a social life and personal mental health as well.

BUT YOU KNOW, HAY ITS FREEEED!

or Annoying Orange? HAHAHAHA!

2. V-TUBERS ARE JUST NEXT GENERATION SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCERS

I will probably never be a major internet celebrity. I am in my 30s, and nothing brings me that much joy anymore. I am going to wind up being that cranky old person sooner or later, and when I started the year, I really had no idea what the hell a V-Tuber (Virtual YouTuber) was.

Honestly, I still don’t. But that’s a secret between you and me. But my friends over at Fun Time Calls - Ian and Jack, they tried to show me clips of v-tubers saying silly things, such as HAMBURGER and “Korone” being “Goofy” that I found addicting, and even an OUT OF CONTEXT channel devoted to this genre.

If you think about it, Idol Culture in Japan is no different than how social media handles it’s “Influencers” - it’s all a character designed for us to admire and the audience itself worships and treats like a friend.

Virtual YouTubers, are a weird market, because at first, you’re seeing just japanese anime playing video games and chatting through a facerig of some kind, but when you think about it… they are characters, the voices they are presenting and how they “graduate” is no difference than how sinister most hype houses are in America. IT’S NOT SO DIFFERENT.

No, we shouldn’t question why an e-sports team is just in a mansion making tiktok videos all day and then playing video games. No, don’t question why the billionaire suddenly “owns” influencers and forces them to stay at his third mansion and forces them to make “sponsored content” and youtube videos all day and profiteering off their stuff.

Don’t question why these teenagers and early 20s people are agreeing to this when “i’m staying at a rich dudes house, he’s going to make me famous” will deliver so many red flags.

Just don’t, appreciate the virtual v-tubers, the youtube heroes we might actually need, whom are virtual, meaning they can outlive all of us and be everlasting for centuries, much like the tales of Batman and Superman or Popeye.

But as anime women who aren’t doing hentai pop-up ads on Newgrounds. Flash is gone, I’m not going to miss it, at least not that much, anyway.

NUMBER 1 - I EMBRACED THE STUPID, AND SO CAN YOU

In conclusion, 2020 had good stuff and bad stuff. Yeah, most of us didn’t really have a big party or a vacation, and really miss hugging friends and wanting to just sit in a Target Cafe eating a hot dog.

I wish I can tell you it’ll get better, but once again, selfish people will ruin it.

But one thing I do know - the world is very very stupid. We have people screwing up artwork with botched portraits, We have a people who worship Elon Musk because he can quote “Rick and Morty” and have a child with grimes that’s named after a mathematical equation, and have people celebrate a really crappy looking truck that looks like something you’d see in a SNES game trying to compete with Genesis. You have people starting wars online because their reality show from a decade ago wasn’t as big as Survivor. You have game shows where people are judged by their penis. You have feature length films about a clown-based super villain be nominated for an academy award - and the hysterics people had over it radicalizing children. You have youtubers pissed off a video game character has a low breast size. You have celebrities who haven’t had any work aside from an appearance on Fox & Friends making a grand announcement to go to GabPerlerChute only to return two weeks later because of how obnoxious everybody is, there is the mere thought of a “Femboy Hooters” and “Goth IHOP” now stuck in your lexicon, because you have been internet poisoned.

Your New Years 2020 wasn’t spent watching Pre-Recorded Concerts with Ryan Seacrest, it was trying to find the illegal feed of CNN so you can see Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper get drunk off their ass and start gossipping live on air how they really feel about Chris Cuomo.

It was spent celebrating a video game where you can dress up like French Fries getting hit with a floating hammer called “Big Yeetus” in the hopes to win an arbitrary crown that can unlock a dance movie.

It is saying “sus” but being unsure what “sus” is short for.

An election ended at a landscape company that just happens to share it’s name with a 5-Star Hotel Chain.

In the span of a day, Twisted Tea became the official drink of combating racism.

And you still decided to relive the 90s and replay Final Fantasy 7.

2021? It’s going to be more of the same, even if you don’t know it.

Just accept that’s going to get very very weird. Not just “How To With John Wilson” weird, we’re talking “Disney Twitter breaking into Disneyland during a third lockdown and demanding to speak to Walt Disney himself”

We’re talking another shocking celebrity death, followed by another shocking celebrity tweet.

We’re talking a movie based on a 1990s IP that nobody asked for and wasn’t announced at all until 3 months ago.

And yes, more meltdown mays and comedians yelling about how live comedy is dead because “everybody is offended by my comedy these days”, when the truth is - there was no actual jokes being said, you are really just screaming and yelling and the audience can’t understand what you’re saying, to the point it really comes across as you can’t afford therapy sessions anymore and that really does bum everybody out in the crowd.

Improv Comedy will be in the form of playing Jackbox Games on Twitch.

And maybe you’ll see another person in the Marvel Cinematic Universe get naked, unfortunately it’s not Tom Holland.

Anyway, I am going to go play Sonic the Hedgehog 2 again, let’s just relive our childhoods, but ignore all the horrible moments that also happened in the process.

FOLLOW UP - Anybody know where I can get some of those Pizza Hut Red Cups?