I ate everything at Chain (at the Mall)

So, as you all know - I am in a really depressive state at the moment. Depression is kicking in, the REALLY BAD THOUGHTS happened, and I am weeks away from moving from my family home to a nice place in Burbank.

I have not eaten much in months, which is dangerous. However, September 2nd, was a date that actually was good - it was the day CHAIN finally opened (to the public (i say to the public because days prior they did soft launches with social media influencers, food influencers, and Topanga from Saved by the Bell, among others) - SORRY CHAIN, WE CAN’T ALL BE CRISSY TEIGAN AND GET ACCESS! (please invite me to the next event kthx)

What Is Chain?

Chain is going to be described by me as “Jordan Coded” but essentially - B.J. Novak and his friends started a company that is “Pop Cuisine” (Pop Culture + Cuisine, no quizzes) because of a firm philosophy of chain restaurants as a part of the “pop culture” atmosphere - not just Ronald McDonald, but regional favorites like Jack in the Box and Portillos. So what they have done in the 2020s is come up with these limited events (None of which I was invited to) where they have fun things like “Gourmet Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizzas” with Jimmy Fallon - or my favorite - ChainFest, where it is all these samplings of different regional items that have this upscale interpretation.

Which to me is kind of that “pow” factor - take something you might be familiar with, such as a Big Mac, and then hand it to a Michelin Star chef to “upgrade” it - such as having it be Kobe Beef (remember when Kobe Beef was all the rage a few years ago? Remember when it was Angus? Oh, how the beef companies will do anything with Wagyu these days)

It’s not just fast food options, mind you, but everything in the world of a chain restaurant - Dennys, Applebees, Portillos, etc.

What is Chain at the Mall?

So, earlier this year, about a week after my mom passed, it turned out Topanga Social closed down. Topanga Social was this “upscale food court” in the Westfield Topanga (a mall in Woodland Hills/Canoga Park) right here in Los Angeles .

As they pushed so many people out the door, this is a collab that makes perfect sense - an upscale mall, wanting upscale food court, and a business that wants “upscale dining with pop culture bend”

So for September until February - Chain at the Mall is open.

CHAIN AT THE MALL, has THREE DIFFERENT AREAS - “The Main Chain” (as I’m Calling It) “Chain Snacks” and for right now - “CHEZ-IT COURT”

and my friends, it was not easy, but I promise you - I ATE THE ENTIRE MENU

My original plan was to take photos of EVERY FOOD ITEM and review it, just to VALIDATE that I ate everything. However, it turns out - i, uh, forgot to take photos of a few items (The Tenders, The Corn Dog, Etc)

Deepest apologies in advance for those that do not believe me - However, I have eyeballs at Chain at the Mall who were there multiple days and can validate that I indeed ORDERED EVERYTHING (so please “trust me bro”)

Look, i am very handsome. But I think you would be annoyed if I had to go through EVERYTHING with a photo like this. so instead, you are going to get a rough outline of my day(s). and what happened, and all three outlines,

AND A RANKING OF EVERYTHING FROM WORST TO BEST

First, i went to “THE LOOP” - a fun clothing store that has a limited run of items, and they JUST updated with “Crunchyroll 2” - Which featured Apothecary Diaries Jujutsu Kaisen and Chainsaw Man. As one of your favorite anime nerds around - this pleased me that I could hang with Gojo in his death cube. Also I did a really cool superhero pose at the Chainsaw Man statuette

I LOOK SO COOL, I BECAME ANIME

And then I went to the gatchapon pachines and then saw it … CHAIN WAS OPEN

This weekend only - if you order a “Chain Meal” (One Entre from the “Main Chain” and Fries and Drink) you also get a FREE TREAT at the “Chain Snacks” booth. It was here I had a dilemma - do i get the “Lucky Charms Taco” or the “Cinnamon Toast Crunch Tiramasu” - and next to me, was somebody whom I never met before, but had EQUAL problems. His name was Zeno Robinson. A voice actor from all sorts of animation and video games (Hawks from My Hero Academia, my favorite character) as well as one of the stars of one of my favorite web series - The Comic Shop!

Honestly, really funny dude, and he thought I was just a social media food influencer (but dude bounced with me in comedy naturally, like we were in an improv scene) So we decided to “yes and” and come up with a concession - he gets the taco, i get the tiramisu, review it later.

And uh, Hey Zeno, you were kind of close, technically this is a FOOD REVIEW now, but partially it was your fault. He said it was great, so I took his word and ordered it.

Comedy writer who also does silly bits, is very close, right? Guy who podcasts about game shows and talks burgers and kirby is close enough! Anyway, it was really funny seeing him there, just to somewhat full circle “Anime Day” with The Loop and then Chain.

HOPE I SEE YOU AT BANG ZOOM, SOON BUDDY!

So, let’s break down all three booths for you. Which might help with understanding it (but I am not going to break down the menu, that’s repetitive)

CHAIN (the main chain)

So, the “main chain” is where the orders are - they have merch (shirts and hats) and you pick up your food at a second booth.

The offerings at this “main chain” are entrees, as explained earlier you can pick any of these items a la carte (which I did) or as a “meal” with a drink and curly fries for extra.

For the sake of the review - I am putting the fries as it’s own offering, as they have two versions - regular curly and a truffle parm.

The menu itself is all based on MALL STAPLES - both modern and classic across alllllll three booths.

The “Main Chain” had a Burger and Chicken Tenders, but also a take on Crunchwrap at Taco Bell, a Filet O’Fish take, a “snack wrap”, a Teriyaki Chicken Bowl, a Spicy Chicken Sandwich, and a Taco Salad.

CHAIN SNACKS

Chain Snacks is Paired with General Mills to have snacks and drinks inspired by their breakfast cereals.

They have two drinks - a Matcha Latte with Honey Nut Cheerios and a Trix Slush

They have five desserts - a ice cream sandwich, s’mores, tiramasu, churros and a ice cream taco.

CHEEZ-IT COURT

The last place is very much BRANDED OPPORTUNITY with the Cheez-It, and they had ONLY THREE OPTIONS - a philly cheesesteak (because charleys) a korean corndog (hot dog on a stick?) and a cinnamon roll (cinnabon)

All three of these items involve CHEEZ-IT CRACKERS as a signature ingredient in the dish. and yes, your buddy Jordan HAD IT ALL

ALL THE ITEMS I HAVE EATEN AT CHAIN

CHEEZ-Y BUN (Cheez It Cafe)

CRUNCHY CHEEZ-DOG (Cheez-it Cafe)

CHEEZ STEAK (Cheez-It Cafe)

HONEY NUT CHEERIOS MATCHA CLOUD (Chain Snacks)

TRIX BERRY SWIRL SLUSH (Chain Snacks)

ICE CREAM COOKIE CRISP WICH (Chain Snacks)

LUCKY CHARMS TACO FRIO (Chain Snacks)

CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH TIRAMASU (Chain Snacks)

GOLDEN GRAHAMS TOASTED SMORES BAR (Chain Snacks)

REESES PUFF CHURROS (Chain Snacks)

SECRET SEASONED CURLY FIRES (Main Chain)

PORCINI TRUFFLE & PARM CURLY FRIES (Main Chain)

MEI LIN’S MAPO WAGYU CRUNCHO PERFECTO (Main Chain)

CALVIN ENG’S CRISPY CANTONESE FISHWICH (Main Chain)

MASON HEREFORD’S SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH (Main Chain)

ROY CHOI’S CHICKEN TERIYAKI BOWL (Main Chain)

THE WAGYU CHAINBURGER (Main Chain)

CHAIN TENDERS (Main Chain)

CHICKEN TENDER WRAP-UP (Main Chain)

CRUNCHO PERFECTO TACO SALAD (Main Chain)

AND NOW THE REVIEWS… RANKED FROM WORST TO BEST

CHEEZ-Y BUN (Cheez It Cafe)

So, this is wild - they took a cinnamon roll, then instead of regular cream cheese icing, they put CHEEZ-IT powder over it, so it was this mix of savory and sweet that is probably the BOLDEST thing on offer in the entire menu. I doubt that many people will order this, but I am one of those big brave boys, because I think it is time for some JORDAN LORE - when i was a child, i used to have mini-mixes from time to time, (Frosted Flakes and M&Ms, A sandwich with potato chips and chocolate chips) but one of my favorite mixes was Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cheez-It. SOMEONE AT CHAIN BROKE INTO MY HOUSE OR WENT INTO MY DREAMS WHEN THEY MADE THIS. While I would say this SHOULD’VE BEEN the Jordan winner. This was probably the biggest let-down. My cinnamon roll was TOUGH, impossible to eat, the icing was cold, with a warm bun, making it very weird texture - in a way that was unpleasant to taste. The filling of the cinnamon roll was delicious, they even put extra cheez-it crackers on top, AND TOASTED THEM (my favorite flavor is the Extra Toasted) I can understand the balance of salty and sweet, but this mix did not work. I think the best bite was one i made, where i simply put one cracker in the cinnamon filling, and that was what took me back to my childhood. I understand this was a take on the cinnabon, but upscale - but I think we should’ve seen a Pretzel Pizza from Wetzels instead. I would’ve preferred it if it was maybe a CHEEZ-IT danish (maybe white cheddar or parmesean?) and then they added a SWEET icing on top, the balance was way off, and I was so sad.

CRUNCHY CHEEZ-DOG (Cheez-it Cafe)

Again, I did not care for this. I feel this is a “very safe” option, because the crust is cheez-it, it is topped with ketchup, mustard and pickles, and it is a “classic hot dog” bite, but with Cheez-It, but I did not really like the beef frank inside, it felt very “runny/greasy” as well as the impossible to eat quality of a corn dog with toppings already on it. This felt more like State Fair than “Upscale Pop Culture” that I always assumed of the brand. the biggest positive of this is of all the “Cheez-It” offerings, you get a fun-size bag of Cheez-It crackers with it, so you at least have something to snack on. But again, very disapointed by this offering. I’m sure this will be the most popular among “normals”. But if you are GOING TO BE IN THE CHAIN, YOU GOTTA GET IN THE GAME

THE WAGYU CHAINBURGER (Main Chain)

This is more of my own bias with two things - burgers and wagyu. I am HATING Wagyu being used in burgers. I understand why, it’s a popular trending beef from Japan, it’s melty. But to me Wagyu is NOT “Ingredient"" beef - it is best served alone, or almost like expensive tuna. Thinly sliced like a sushi or sashimi style, so it melts as you take the bite. I am tired of burger places using expensive cuts of beef as an excuse for the high price tag. A few years ago we were ALL ABOUT KOBE and then decades ago it was ANGUS, and I would prefer if you did a burger with just classic aged fatty steak. Maybe try it with bison? It is very silly and hypocritical because (spoilers) the cruncho perfecto also uses Wagyu, but it is almost like a beef ragu/gravy.

The burger itself? Oh, it’s fine. It has cheese, it has FRESH PICKLES (they gave me a bunch of them, if you don’t like pickles, you will be upset) and a burger sauce that can best be described as “a better big mac sauce” - it is fine. it is “a safe pick” but maybe going to HIHO or AMBOY has really made my benchmark really high with “modern upscale burger”. I did not care for this burger, but I did eat it completely.

CHAIN TENDERS (Main Chain)

I think if you pick these, you are a child. If you are buying this, I hope it is for your child from the kids menu, because picking this is like going to an ice cream parlor and just ordering Vanilla. You will get “a safe pick”, but you are missing out on their signatures. Imagine going to Ben & Jerry’s without ever trying Cherry Garcia? The tenders are… fine. it is lightly fried so the coating falls off, and you get two sauces - a bbq sauce (Which tasted like a mix of KC Masterpiece and A1 Steak Sauce) and a ranch dressing (That was larger than expected, but also tasted more like French Onion Dip? The salt of the tenders did work with the ranch) - If you are still visiting from out of the country and are one of those people that got addicted to Ranch Dressing because of the World Cup - please go over here and try THIS ranch, this is absolutely what I feel ranch SHOULD taste like. Without sounding mean, “mid” is the best way to describe this. Anything after this, is bold, exciting, and to me, must recommends!

CALVIN ENG’S CRISPY CANTONESE FISHWICH (Main Chain)

I hate the Filet O’Fish. I am not a fan of that sandwich. I hate tartar sauce, I hate the taste of it. However, this is pretty much a “Chain” example - lets take a Filet O’Fish and make it gourmet. the patty itself is NOT just a cheap fish, it is this WILD handmade patty of cod and shrimp (and it had to have been recent) that has a spicy, peppery coating, and then a housemade tartar sauce, that tasted exactly like the homemade kind you get at fish restaurants. It also has a slice of American Cheese and a Potato Roll. To me, i understood WHY those ingredients, but it just felt tacked on, almost as a softener (we spent the ingredient budget on the fish and sauce) and the bun was soggy and disintegrated. Eating the patty by itself was a large improvement, But it did do something - it changed my opinion on the CONCEPT of the fish sandwich.

GOLDEN GRAHAMS TOASTED SMORES BAR (Chain Snacks)

I will say, of all the locations - the SNACKS was my favorite of the three, and this being the WEAKEST of the options is still dangerous. S’mores are such an interesting dessert that I wish we saw more of in public. Golden Grahams is such as great add-on to this, because of it’s honey-sweet taste. You don’t just get a graham cracker, chocolate marshmallow - you get something that is EXACTLY as described - like this dessert candy bar. a thick cookie (that is graham cracker flavored, but sweeter) then a THICK layer of Chocolate Ganache (my favorite dessert ingredient) and then not just MALLOW but the GOOOOOOIEST mallow on top (this had to be used in so many options) and it was TOASTED with the blow torch, and then they crushed up golden grahams and added a few on top. I don’t have the summer camp memories that others have, however. this was such a great balance, you will have a bite of EVERYTHING in every bite. and legitimately, this was a dessert that made me tear up a bit. I know I cry often, but this was a joyful tear. It was a dessert that made me happy.

LUCKY CHARMS TACO FRIO (Chain Snacks)

So, if you wanted this to be a straight Choco-Taco, I am sorry to disappoint you, but this was not it. Zeno was right however - this was DELICIOUS! It had the sweetness of lucky charms cereal milk as the ice cream, without it having that cereal milk taste. It was STRAWBERRY ice cream, not chocolate, but the addition of marshmallow, chocolate sauce and Lucky Charms Marshmallows, made this one of the BOLDEST options out there, and it absolutely blew my mind. What I learned from this is - ANYTHING WITH MARSHMALLOW needs multiple napkins and a few trips to the bathroom tow ash your hands. but this was absolutely a treat. Anybody who is a fan of Lucky Charms, would easily enjoy this dessert, but this is the MESSIEST item I had, so be careful among friends or dates. But if you love Neapolitan Ice Cream, this is perfect!

CRUNCHO PERFECTO TACO SALAD (Main Chain)

Taco Salads were so big in the 1990s. and this was essentially doing a “two birds one stone” with their crunchwrap option - why not make one that is more salad based - with similar ingredients. This is NOT a “Mexican Taco Salad” - this is pretty much like the Mei Lin Cruncho - it is Asian Mexican fusion. This is legitimately something that I was craving AFTER i already ate it. If you remember, the taco salad at Wendys - with the Chili and the chips, and then the tomatoes and lettuce - it is basically that, btu the chili is the Wagyu Ragu. it is a REALLY good balance with hot and cold, and spicy and then soothing cream, that, to me, was a childhood rebooted, and made me forget - wait, this is a salad. TECHNICALLY I ATE SOMETHING HEALTHY TODAY. it is absolutely, as I always say, “Yum”

HONEY NUT CHEERIOS MATCHA CLOUD (Chain Snacks)

I am a matcha boy, with all these coffeehouses popping up and boba teas, I just want a good matcha.. And this was with honey nut cheerios as the ingredient. The milk used for a ceremonial matcha is, you guessed it, honey nut cheerio milk. Not “Oat Milk” like the substitute, but like, the cereal oat infused milk. It is topped with a foam, salted honey, and some prailines and honey nut cheerios for extra crunch. While everything plays into childhood nostalgia, the fact something trendy like Matcha, getting a trendy cheerio collab, made me have this thought - “You are a grown-up Jordan, but that doesn’t mean grown ups can’t have fun”

I could easily see myself ordering this every morning, and wasting thousands of dollars in the process. But Chain Snacks opens at noon, so I am safe.

CHEEZ STEAK (Cheez-It Cafe)

The best item at the Cheez-It Court, was the Cheez-Steak, the steak was thinly sliced, and melty, the cheez-sauce was actually that cheez-it flavor, and they even added HOT AND SPICY CHEEZ-IT to the steak, to make it extra tasty, in my opinion. However, one ingredient stood out to me, and it was something that almost ruined it for me - PICKLED JALAPENOS. Considering at this point, I had HOMEMADE PICKLES at a Wagyu burger, to see this (hopefully not) jarred ingredient added nearly made everything have that vinegar taste. I am glad it was drained when added, and i appreciated the SPICY of thsi, with the salty of the steak, and to me, this was a real comfort food item. While everything has a price around $12-$16, i would say the price matches the portion of this dish, and you will be full after eating everything,. Besides the jalapenos, the only other complaint would be, i wish like the corn dog, it had a layer at the bottom of the Hot N Spicy Cheez-It. I’m not saying it is the BEST cheesesteak I have ever had, but as far as SANDWICHES in general are concerned, this is one of those “holy shit this is good”. now just make it fresh jalapenos please.

REESES PUFF CHURROS (Chain Snacks)

As you might be aware, the entire menu is THE ENTIRE MENU, and sometimes I am spending money for things based on things I simply put, would never order. I like churros, but i HATE reeses puffs. It does not taste like reeses cups, it tastes like cocoa puffs. So, when it came to this, I was really worried how bad it would taste - the cinnamon sugar is actually reeses puffs dusted on there…. and then it is topped with chocolate (like all good churros) peanut butter (which makes sense, because peanut butter cereal) and MILK ICING, which reminds me - oh right, milk and cereal goes together, boy i feel stupid. But let me tell you, these were RESTAURANT CHURROS, it was not sitting around being tough to chew, these were soft as hell, melting in your mouth, like you were eating peanut butter cup pancakes (For those of you that put BOTH chocolate chip and peanut butter chips in your waffle house waffle AND THEN ALSO ADD SYRUP - this is for you!) This really did change my opinion on Reeses Puffs, because as a dessert - it was not reuses cups, but it had this somewhat salted-sweet taste where every bite was the dust and ALL THREE sauces, and it was just this melody of tastes that reminded me of the original reeses cup instead of just the cereal. warm churros are singlehandedly a guilty pleasure treat, and I felt very spoiled by this. (This was also my last treat that I had at the counter, and I was so upset i did not get this first)

ICE CREAM COOKIE CRISP WICH (Chain Snacks)

I felt this is also “The Safe Bet” in the dessert section. For many people Cookie Crisp is a bit of a joke, it is SUPPOSED to taste like a chocolate chip cookie, but it never does. They decided to actually just give you two regular chocolate chip cookies, and then ADD the cookie crisp on top during the half-bake, so when it molds with a MALTED CHOCOLATE CEREAL ICE CREAM - it is actually the most chocolate dessert on offer, and it is a BALANCED chocolate dessert!

For context with the “foodie” background - besides drinking over 100 burgers and enjoying burgers, I always pick the most chocolate dessert, by default, bbut most of the time, that chocolate is a bland cooca powder, or they just added chocolate milk to something and called it a day. and I feel chocolate is a very veritile dessert, it can be salty, bitter, sweet, super sweet. And this ice cream sandwich, while “tough to chew because it’s cold” - had EXACTLY what I was searching for - the malt taste of the ice cream (which is also sweet with the cereal milk) with the semi-sweet chocolate of the cookie, that is also paired with that somewhat bitter cookie crisp, brough three different layers of chocolate in what just looks like a basic chocolate chip cookie sandwich. While this is the “play it safe” option, looks are very decieving as this was a flavor profile that was above a good chunk of ice cream desserts served not just at shopping malls - but in retail in general.

SECRET SEASONED CURLY FIRES (Main Chain)

Okay, I had to now talk about the fries - these are seasoned curly fries, inspired by the GOAT which is Arbys (but also Jack in the Box) - this is NOT the arbys frozen curly fries, this is it’s own bizarre upgrade. It has a “fresher taste” of curly fry, it has this seasoning that is like arbys, but a bit sweeter and a bit spicer (and maybe with MSG?) I feel this is secretly the BEST thing on the menu, but I know if I was to give a ranking list, putting this in first place would feel like a bait-and-switch, so my recommendation is whatever you order - you should get it as a chain meal, so you can at least enjoy these fries (and plus they have some real sugar sodas and La Croix). It comes with ketchup,

CHICKEN TENDER WRAP-UP (Main Chain)

While I was really harsh on the chicken tenders, if you are on a budget - this is a great example of Chain. you do only get ONE tender, but it has the flavors you know - the tomato, lettuce and cheese. but the sauce that they added to this, is i believe the same ranch dressing used in the dipping sauce. the combination of everything was such a perfect balance of the trendy “snack wrap” from earlier this year. It is absolutely delicious, and this was the LAST thing i ordered at the main chain. Maybe the tender was better? But one thing to always look for - the produce. if you can TASTE the lettuce and tomato, then it is absolutely a reason to enjoy them.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention - I added BACON to this wrap, and this was a game changer, as it was almost pork belly, if you have the option to add bacon, do it!

ROY CHOI’S CHICKEN TERIYAKI BOWL (Main Chain)

I am no stranger to Roy Choi, but that’s because, hi, Los Angeles foodie. And he is such a good spokesperson for this concept, as the mall food that he took inspiration from, was what he called “toothpick chicken”.

As in, when you were a kid, in the mall food court, there was usually somebody in a teriyaki chicken booth, who would offer you a free sample of the teriyaki chicken, to entice you to order. For many people, this could have been their first taste of teriyaki chicken, and maybe their world of cuisine outside of their own.

So, this is one of those things that is VERY SIMPLE in design, but probably difficult to execute - rice, chicken covered in the Kogi sauce, more kogi sauce, green onions and sesame seeds. It is absolutely the “lightest” thing I had of the entire adventure, which considering how many things were fried, was very welcoming.

The one I had was VERY inconsistent - some of the teriyaki chicken was TOUGH to chew, that I did have to spit it out, there was even a time when i was choking on the green onion, However, if we had to go to bites - having a “perfect bite” with all four ingredients was very possible, and it was absolutely one of the GREATEST bites I had during this experience. if the bowl was NOTHING but that bite, it would have probably won this ranking. But it is absolutely worth trying.

CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH TIRAMASU (Chain Snacks)

I am a grown up, eating a grown up dessert, the Italian-coffee treat of tiramisu, but instead of those ladyfingeers, you got cinnamon toast crunch. you also got a bottom layer of cinnamon toast crunch that is COVERED in the sweet syup that you forget its not a pie crust, but BREAKFAST CEREAL, the cream has the cinnadust, it is TOPPED with the regular cereal, and there is a mix of cinnamon toast crunch milk that acts as a mascarpone - this is absolutely next level. as most culinary school students could maybe do two-ways, maybe CTC Horchata Mousse?) most famous chefs might even try and do it 3 ways (have a cinnamon toast french toast with a cinnamon toast crunch milk syrup and cinnamon toast crunch on top) but this, to my knowlege had to have FIVE DIFFERENT VARIANTS OF CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH

It looks REALLY simple, it tastes absolutely delicious, but this is one of those “the journey is just as important as the destination” that I would easily eat almost the entire tray of this stuff, if allowed.

TRIX BERRY SWIRL SLUSH (Chain Snacks)

This is the best item at Chain Snacks, in my opinion. I know it is NOT technically “a dessert” it is a beverage, a slush beverage, with a cold trix cereal milk foam and trix berry cereal on top.. And originally, I was thinking “this will have to be in the middle, right?” But, my childhood won at the end of the day. This is what you IMAGINED trix cereal tasting like as a kid, the raspberry and orange slushes balance each other with sour and sweet with the cold foam serving to add the sweet balance. Normally, with a drink (see the matcha) you eventually get left with ice cubes and “huh, guess that is is” but what makes this such a dessert and what makes me love it - as I finsih sucking the slush, and the foam is drooping into the cup - it turns into this purple slurry, that is in itself a final treat - and the taste of this dessert, REMINDS ME OF TRIX YOGURT. So we ended up getting this taste of your 1990s one last time, before you even noticed. in a way that I felt told a story, that not that many desserts had. It blew my mind how amazing this tasted, and how none of the cereal taste was really there, yet it was clearly present. This was a major win for those of you who want some classic memory of “breakfast cereal and Saturday morning cartoons” - and as this is a drink, i would also recommend enjoying this on your walk through the Topanga Mall, especially near all the high end retail store - people who sell $3,000 handbags will LOVE seeing you enjoy a tasty treat based on a cereal children eat. (okay, but honestly, on your way to the AMC theater upstairs instead)

PORCINI TRUFFLE & PARM CURLY FRIES (Main Chain)

HA! You thought we were done with the curly fries? You THOUGHT WRONG! I had to at least give it a Top 3 recommendation, and it is the “Truffle Parm:”. Again, I hate Truffle Parm fries, I feel it never actually tastes good, it has this weird acidic taste that makes it feel like you had really greasy potato chips and it never tastes good (also they use garlic parm) but this is seriously taking the curly fries that are amazing on its own and somehow TOPPING THEMSELVES, the parm used is freshly shaved and the truffle being used is more used LIGHTLY so it is not overpowering the fries, kind of like malt vinegar on some fish and chips - too much is overpowering, but just enough and you have a winning combination. This paired with the ketchup is indeed one of the greatest things I have consumed this year. Get the upgrade, it is worth it.

MASON HEREFORD’S SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH (Main Chain)

You know how on those cooking contest shows when they have the final two and the judges do this thing where they go “OH MAN, I CAN NOT MAKE UP MY MIND” - this was seriously that moment. The Spicy Chicken Sandwich is one of those food items we really take for granted. However, there was so many battles I was having “Childhood Memory vs Adult Taste” “SImple Made Best vs Mind Blowing Risk” with this journey, I have come to the conclusion that “Simple” was never “bad” it was always the one that could be the ones people who are risk-adverse will probably take. And for me, MASON’S CHICKEN SANDWICH WAS THIS DISH.

Yes, it is your spicy chicken sandwich - you have heard of it before, you know what it has - lettuce, tomato, a chicken patty, on a bun. Simple. However, the habanero hot sauce did the balance right - it had the heat, but then the produce countered. When it is FRESH, it does it’s job (Much like the taco salad) While the “Chicken Sandwich” wars of a few years ago have somehow been forgotten - this chicken sandwich really blew my mind, and tastewise - is the winner against EVERY one of those chicken sandwiches.

It was NOT the chicken tenders again, it was it’s own custom breading. What made it wild was I did see him in the kitchen afterwards. So this is a rare case where I ACTUALLY SAW A REAL PROFESSIONAL CHEF MAKE (POSSIBLY) MY SANDWICH and I got to eat it. I felt very lucky to have this experience. And the chicken was moist - and when my comfort food used to be the wendys spicy chicken sandiwch, I am so glad Mason’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich showed up and decided to hold my hand and say “it will be okay”

He didn’t say anything he just said “how was it?” but all i could say was “it was the best chicken sandwich” but I had to reserve my full review for right now. MASON, I WAS CRAVING A SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH, YOU GAVE ME THE BEST SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH, I ALSO CRIED AFTERWARDS BECAUSE OF HOW SOMETHING SO SIMPLE, COULD BE SO AMAZING, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT ALL NIGHT, AND CRIED TEARS OF JOY.

MEI LIN’S MAPO WAGYU CRUNCHO PERFECTO (Main Chain)

My go-to order at Taco Bell is the Crunchwrap, I had to pick this first, and unfortunately, the very first thing I ordered was also the best thing I had at Chain. Currently, a big trend is “gourmet crunchwraps” but, truthfully - every one of them I have had, suck. they are not good.

However, you get Mei Lin, an amazing chef who turns asian flavors into fusion favorites, and here is the Asian interpretation of the crunchwrap - while still keeping some of that familiar Taco Bell notes (so its not really mexican, however, it was MIND BLOWING)

It had the Wagyu beef ragu, yes, however - this was serving as somewhat of a chili or ground beef counter - it was wagyu but also a bit spicy, possibly with sichwan peppercorn? then it had the familiar tastes of lettuce, sour cream and cheese - and then instead of a tostada - they put crispy wonton noodles instead - before doing the cover up and there was even this LIGHT grill of cheese on top, to lock it in place.

They did cross-cut it, which I usually don’t trust - however, i noticed why - it is the EXACT dimension so you can dip it in their dipping sauce - a sour cream with chili crisp So, if you wanted somehow a bit more HEAT, you had this extra layer to dunk it in, that eating it, gives you EXACTLY what I feel the “Chain” brand is about - reinterpretation of popular chain restaurant foods (like a taco bell crunchwrap) through the eyes of a world class chef.

Now, the debate is “does a crunchwrap count as a mall food?” well, that is a bit debatable. However, as I have been to Taco Bells in malls and airports, I will count it.

It is also the most outrageous thing on offer at the “Main Chain” - but it was not just a home run, it was a grand slam.

IF IT WAS ME…

I would order the CRUNCHO PERFECTO, THE SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH, AND THE PARM FRIES WITH A TRIX SLUSH TO DRINK and call it a day.

BUT FOR YOU, HERE IS SOME LAST TIPS

Everybody’s tastes are different, and while I wish I could say “pick this” - your heart will probably guide you in this. If you were a kid who loved golden grahams - that smore will be amazing, if you just feel like a corn dog - the cheez-dog is still a cravable item.

Some people will look at the price tag and bolt out - but the price point is about equal to most dining experiences. I also know tough economy, If you want the “best bang for your buck” - get the teriyaki bowl (or the salad) with the fries and a drink. If you are risk-adverse, and you don’t want to “pay the $14 for this dessert” it is understandable - the safe choices are still there and are also good if you want to try something safe.

Most “Chain” events are almost held under lock and key where only influencers and celebrities show up. This is an ACTUAL POP UP that is OPEN TO THE PUBLIC for SEVERAL MONTHS. So you have time.

I did have a few bad food items, but I also had a LARGE AMOUNT of amazing dishes. If you have a bad experience with your first selection, please do try something else the next time around. They are all way better than the fast food alternative. With the food being very playful.

As I am moving, I will be unsure when I will return to Woodland Hills, for the time being. But I am glad I stopped by. It was amazing how much they kicked me in the childhood, took me through so many stories of food and flavors, and somehow made me hungry to keep eating everything.

Thank you to all the staff at Chain for having to put up with me for a couple of days, Thanks to all the cooks in back for having to juggle 2 or 3 dishes at a time,

And I hope to see more amazing monstrosities soon!