The Boy Who Grew Up

Hey friends it's Jordan. I'm posting on my website. How revolutionary!

Anyway, this is one of the most painful articles I've ever had to write, because wherever I write a “goodbye” to any creative endeavor, I always feel like a piece of myself is going away with it.

As many of you know, G4 has returned. The comedy video game channel is back and shows like “Attack of the Show” and “Xplay” returned with it. It's been my home for over a year, even though I’m simply an unpaid moderator.

I've seen everything from B4G4 Beta Tests, to Beach House test audiences all the way to launch and beyond. Simply put, my childhood got resurrected. And I was so happy.

As a moderator, I pretty much cultivated the community that I wanted to see – that optimistic, light-hearted, family that I missed and know gaming could become.

All of this happened in January 2021, and being “the face” of that community felt amazing. I felt like “a celebrity” (not really). People assumed I worked at G4, felt I should be talent.

But the truth is – I wasn’t . I was simply just a large adult male taking care of my mom, as she’s in poor health and using the Discord as a personal distraction from all this sadness. It helped, but it only is a temporary fix.

I got to make so many friends, both at the company, and in that chatroom. And I'm so grateful to know all of them.

But something just, changed.

Around March, I got really burnt out. The content changed and so did the community. I didn't really feel like I was that “bumper”, it felt like I was simply just a Hall Monitor to all the goofballs throwing paper airplanes.

They made a support thread to cheer me up, lots of great vibes from really nice people, but it simply didn't help, that feeling was empty.

I tried to feel happy, but it's been difficult when you have no way of explaining “hey, when is invitation to party coming back” or why you just couldn't get into “name your price”.

It just kept going, just simply put – it became miserable. The community that I thought would be optimistic. Just became a passive-aggressive nightmare.

Instead of looking forward to movies or games, it was people doomspiraling about their job, it was people really wanting to talk politics, it was people saying REALLY inappropriate things because they heard it on the shows – when it gets edited out of the television broadcast, and that place has minors.

No amount of “hey can you stop it” meant anything. No amount of feedback helped. And when you're already miserable in real life, and this no-income responsibly feels like a zero-sum game. You have to cut your losses eventually.

I really don't know where I’m going next.

I'm not a “social media influencer” with hundreds of thousands of followers. I barely have people on my Patreon, and I know they are wanting more content from me, but I just gotta make some time for that.

All I really want, is for my mom to be okay and to end the head games telling me “I'm not good enough” and “I don't have any talent”, and just find where I belong.

I’m depressed, I’m scared, I am uncertain day-to-day, and I want it to stop.

Thanks for everything, G4.

It gave a guy like me a chance to be myself. It let me know it's okay to fail and embrace failure. Things will be okay, even in the darkest times.

I hope one day, our paths will cross again. And I wish the best to everyone around.

Whatever is that next step in life, I hope it's a great one.

Because no matter what, we're family. ❤️

In the meantime,

Check me out on Patreon

and also there's my Personal Discord.

~ Jordan “Bae” Hass

Jordan Stopped Playing.