May 15

May 15 Review - The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

The wait is over, and it’s finally here - The Legend of Zelda : Tears of the Kingdom! The game starts where The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild ended, as Link and Zelda discover a secret hidden under Hyrule.

But we don’t want to spoil anything, because we want you to play everything, so DON’T SPOIL THE ENDGAME! But we can’t help it, the game is full of story, and we just can’t give a proper review without giving SOME details away.

For starters, you go back to nothing, and work your way back into stronger and stronger swords and weapons and abilities, Sorry link, no Master Sword for you, unlesssssssss…?

If you were excited about Breath of the Wild, you will feel right at home with The Legend of Zelda : Tears of the Kingdom, as wherever you want to explore, you can, with visuals and cut-scenes that are absolutely beautiful.

Additionally, there are plenty of new features in the game, THAT I WISH I COULD TELL YOU, that make the game so much “epic”, that you have to get really excited about. It’s a game that lived it’s hype. From it’s soundtrack to artstyle, it’s combat, it’s character design and action sequences, it might be May, but that doesn’t mean it SHOULD BE GAME OF THE YEAR, just a masterpiece by Nintendo, and some could argue - the best Zelda game of all time.

[10/10]

“If you are looking for a game of “The Legend of Zelda” to play this year - make sure it is the new one…” - Jordan, Game Journalist.

[THE REVIEW ENDS HERE]

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS, FLIPPANT COMMENTARY, AND SOME BRUTAL TRUTHS, READER DISCRESSION IS ADVISED.

… okay, are they gone? Do people actually read reviews? Do people actually need somebody telling them about this game? Let’s face it - game journalism has had a huge change in the last few years, with the culture shifting from text-based “Review Crews” at Electronic Gaming Monthly and GamePro, to the more online based services of Kotaku, Polygon, IGN and Giant Bomb.

Everybody has their thoughts about the review scores and metacritic, and what does it mean, but truthfully - none of it fucking matters.

If you like the game, then who gives a shit what a journalist says.

If you don’t like the game, and the crowd loves the game, you’ll be scouring the web for the converse opinion, to “show you were right, actually”

The world of previews, reviews and ad-copy, is now a content-creation minefield, so we are no longer in the desire to hear what X-Play or Gamesmaster says about a video game, we got every twitch streamer and youtuber on the record to say it is “Poggers Epic Awesomesauce For The Win”, on just about every game - including those really shady app-based strategy and Match-3s.

I bought “Tears of the Kingdom” through the Nintendo Voucher Program, which is 2 Nintendo Games for $100. I bought this and the new Kirby game, because, obviously, I like Kirby.

This game has a current price point at $70, and people are debating about “Is it worth the $70?” and when you remember the days of Toys R Us having games worth $70 or even $80 and they were Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis - you stop caring. Especially as, from the looks of things, The Legend of Zelda : Tears of the Kingdom is a game that does not have DLC, it' looks like a game that once you finish the story, you are done with the story. It does not need to be “always on”, it doesn’t need to be a live service, and that alone, is a breath of fresh air in the world of video games.

I also blame social media entirely for what it means to talk about video games, what it means to critique games, and let alone review them. Every video game needs to be “THE BEST” or “THE WORST” you need to be a cartoon character screaming “fuckity fuck fuck!” if it’s bad, or if it’s good-to-great, you need to place the game on the pedestal, like no other game before it, or afterwards can ever “be as good as Red Dead Redemption 2” … well has it? Are you still playing that game? What about Portal 2? What about Super Mario Odyssey? Hey, hows that copy of God of War treating you?

We have turned the excitement of video games, discovering new favorites, into this need to “be the first” and “consume as quickly as we can” for the purpose of making the let’s play videos, making the podcast reviews, and all sorts of content creation - not for the sake of celebrating the games themselves, or the talented crew members, artists, developers, but rather, as a need to continue to stay relavant in the eye of the internet crowds of which we try and cater towards.

I hate this is what video games has become. Think back to the days of when you were a child (assuming you are a grown ass adult, which internet tells me is mostly Millennials, because of how much they remember playing “Zelda as a Kid” - never explaining if its the original for NES, Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, WInd Waker, Phantom Hourglass or any of the other dozen or so games in this franchise.

When you used to play a Zelda game, there was never a time pressure for you to play it. There was not a twitch stream watching you fail, to juggle the chatroom. When you talked about what you enjoyed about the game, it was casually at Recess, most likely, unless you went to a message board somewhere. But today, you are a commodity, and you need to burst through this game, and based on your personality, you need to we weary of what you say, so you don’t upset the fandom by saying “Maybe the game has flaws”

Truthfully, The Legend of Zelda : Tears of the Kingdom is a really good Zelda Game. I believe it’s a really good “first time zelda game” to get people into the series. The addition of mechanics to the game, with building boats and platforms and stairs with, what I am going to call “The God Hand” (you don’t need to tell me what it’s actually called). I think it’s neat, and gives players a chance to explore the game in a way that isn’t just “smash all the pots in the dungeon then fight these creatures and once you get all these pieces of the triforce, you can face the final boss.

But it’s not without it’s flaws - for starters, controlling Link is a real challenge, as the buttons go all over the place. Playing on a Pro Controller is what I find the most useful, however, the props of “Press R” or “Press L” can be weird, when the button to switch-out weapons, is right next to the “ability menu” which when you get the “God Hand”, has controls that are also the same as when you need to switch out all your various sticks.

The inventory menu is neat, sorting everything out by what is for offense attacks, defense, food, and other pieces of inventory, like the “Battery to Run The Cool Mechanics You Build”

A good chunk of the game, if you take your time on it, is not really about fighting enemies (which most of the time are robot gecko security guards), but rather in the build system. Tears of the Kingdom is NOT a game that should be rushed, and at times, the puzzle mechanics (using that “God Hand”) are a bit challenging if you don’t know what you’re doing, or if you were distracted by a chatroom or other items, that you forgot a piece of advice from 2 hours ago telling you about this one core feature.

Most of the time, I guarantee you, you’ll “feel lost”, but the Strategy Guide days are over, and already you have hundreds of strategy guide videos on YouTube to help you out with certain areas (again, why people play it fast). Meaning, if you don’t want to be spoiled by the game, best of luck trying to get these strategies, without getting spoiled on endings or surprises or easter eggs for fans of the Franchise.

I personally find the game very frustrating, as sometimes I want to shake my stick at an enemy, only to open up the “switch the weapon” menu, or when i want to build something, accidentally stop or unable to rotate, as the d-pad down also is needed for supplies.

While the cut-scenes are beautiful, it is that animation style that reminds me of RWBY and TriGun Stampede, that isn’t really 30 FPS, but has this “motion capture effect” of the presentation that I do find very rewarding.

Additionally, the game does a fantastic job of hand-holding you throughout the game, if you just want to play the game by the rules. See a shrine, enter the hole, go through the tutorial on how to use the new feature, complete the mini-dungeon, leave the shrine, use that ability you just learned to get to the next shrine and repeat.

With then, the game hinting at all counts, that eventually, if you use all these abilities and go back to earlier places in the game, you’ll get more secrets and more cool features. Which is the makings of a classic adventure video game.

I find the game to have tons of exploration, and the puzzles are fantastic, I also don’t feel the need to “complete the game before reviewing” - even though it’s such a major “game review no-no”, but as explained earlier - NONE OF THAT SHIT MATTERS ANYMORE, IT’S SITTING IN A CHAIR SAYING “OH WOW COOL” OVER AND OVER followed by “THANK YOU FOR THE HUNDRED BITS”

I feel the best way to celebrate this game, is to be away from everybody when playing it, try your best to not be spoiled by the puzzles and the levels, and play it at your own pace, so that way, when that new discovery is made, you can celebrate it as a personal accomplishment instead of just going “OH, I SAW THIS ON FART BLASTER’S TWITCH STREAM” and just feel nothing.

Unfortunately, I feel that is such an uphill battle on the internet, and as this is a video game, and “gamer culture” is full of doofuses. That will simply never really happen. Most likely people will play the game fast, and not appreciate the details. There will be people trying to speedrun the series once completing to make sure they become “the fastest/the first”, and others will simply play the game, beat it, and then shelf the title only to get hyped for the next game which is…. uh…… Beyond Good and Evil 2? is that still coming out?

My honest “review score” for this game is a solid 8/10 - the classic 4 out of 5 game score. It’s a good game, very fun to play, very fun to pick up and explore an hour or so at a time. However, review scores are subjective, and don’t matter in the eye of a rabid fanbase. I’m destroying the Metacritic if I do so, I’m being a contrarian in doing so.

When, if I want to continue my status in being The Last Honest Pizza - it’s hype mirrors that of a Marvel Movie, that has always been on the range of “actually really good” and “dog shit, that you’re suddenly invested in". I think those that are a die-hard fan of Zelda, already will preorder this game, already have played it, and will not really need a review to tell them what to think - they already made their mind up.

I think when it comes to those that are having that FOMO - because everybody they see on social media is playing this game and enjoying it. I think it’s an acceptable reaction to have in regards to this game, but I do hope, if they ever do wish to play this game, they will be able to, rather it’s later this year, or in the next decade.

It’s really tough to explain a video game, as fondly liked before launch as Tears of the Kingdom, but I also think, much like how The Super Mario Brothers movie was seen as “terrible” because of Chris Pratt, only to eventually be seen as “good enough”, I too, believe the inverse will happen with this game, where the “best game ever” crowd, will erode to the same stature as Twilight Princess (that’s the one where he becomes a werewolf, right?)

It’s one of the best offerings Nintendo Switch has in quite a while, and in the last few years in gaming, there really hasn’t been stand-out first party titles for the major consoles. This really is Nintendo’s best offering in quite a while, and I do think, as somebody’s first “The Legend of Zelda” game - this is the best kind of game to get a child to enjoy and explore, so they eventually could expand into the other adventure series - not just your Skyrims and Elden Rings, but whatever Indie Titles that might develop, the same ways, Indie Developers were inspired by their first Zelda game as a kid, when coming up with their adventure titles.

And who knows, they could be the game developers of the future in the process, and if there are more games where you build a boat to sail a small sea - just with better creative features, then please bring them on!