I get to update this again, because that seems like fun. It's 12:35 on October 2nd when I started.
So first off - let's address the sad slump, I think it is a mix of two things. Sleep deprevation and caffeine.
Sleep deprevation is caused by me on social media watching and binging all sorts of shows and then losing track of time (or in this case, writing an article)
Also, the caffeine in coffee and soda has messed with my head for the longest time. I have to say decades.
I did not know I was this weak with the stuff, it tastes good, I enjoy root beer floats, so many other things, but it just wasn't right. I couldn't write without hating myself or something else, and I know that isn't me... I had to make a stand and stop.
I don't know how long until I get back into that, but it seriously effected me and my talent, and I can't do anything right and juggle and panic...
So I stopped.
September 24 was the day I had my last soda and I posted about it on social media
I am not expecting applause, or support, because even though I am trying to work on getting better, I gotta face the fact that I'm NOT an online influencer, or one of these big time YouTube people with hundreds of thousands of views, I know maybe 5 or 6 people might read this, 4 out of love, 1 out of malice, and 1 by accident (sorry guy who came by accident!)
The truth is - that is a struggle in my head, that I don't think will ever go away in terms of figuring out myself and what to do. Because I know I love hosting, writing, creating, comedy and acting... but everything is going online, and spending so much hours online in my teenage through today, I kind of loathe it.
I don't feel like I fit-in anymore, I feel like my job is just to "sell myself" and a lifestyle or brand and career to people, like it's a reality show character, and you have to be flat, one dimensional species.
I can't do that.
I get angry at Republicans because they are all morally bankrupt, because to them, it doesn't matter because it's in favor the Cardinal rule of capitalism - those with money, holds all the power (they are playing by the rules, but I find it scummy)
I get angry at Democrats who see anybody suffering as a "feel good" story to share, but then forget about when the next bad thing happens. What happened to the Pulse Nightclub people? What about NAPL? Does Flint finally have drinking water? There are so many fires, and all I see is "VOTE", well, yeah voting is important, but it comes across like fire fighters periscoping their rescue... It doesn't matter unless you have footage and can "share" it. You gotta hold for applause when you do that Trump takedown that FINALLY makes morally bankrupt people see "oh yeah I'm in the wrong"
I am simply not happy with any of this, and the quest for joy rests in figuring out ultimately what WOULD make me happy.
Thankfully, after waning off of carbonated sodas aimed at teenagers who love dirtbikes or fortnite, I have gotten way better at stopping myself from just going "you are wasting your time" I might be venty, but I am actually happy!
So here's what happened.
i had to drop one podcast, I couldn't juggle it anymore, and I had to drop one day of my twitch show, as it also wasn't worth it. The time crunch of editing a podcast or recording, it was making the process not fun, and that SHOULD BE the important part of streaming to be sharing what I love, so I find that love back.
My twitch show is fun, so I extended those out to just Monday AND Friday, with the podcast moved to Wednesday, which I actually enjoy, I hope my new plan with these work out.
But to reiterate - I'm not trying to be a social media star.
I just think having that small crowd from my discord, and new people joining me here and there, or real life friends seeing what I'm doing and support me that one or two times, that's all I need.
The problem is, I know that's not good. Unless I'm super talented in something, unless I have the social media klout, nobody would hear from me. That's the sad way of this industry.
I don't have representation, I don't have an agent, I don't even know what to send on my reel - the twitch show where I talk to Alexa or the podcast where I sigh repeatedly at (really funny) bits and creative ideas my friends come up with...
It's a feeling of being lost, and yes, a feeling of hopelessness, at least to me, I know I have the talent, but i think it's just luck, mixed with just poor timing that's led me to give up time and time again...
I just gotta figure out that sense of belonging.
So that's why I decided to make myself a routine to do EVERY DAY
yes, I could have embed a Twitter link, but I saved it to my phone for memory (it is also pinned) and this is explanation why...
WATCH 1 GAME SHOW I am so happy to know so many people in the world of game shows, like any field, there are good months and bad months, but even though that struggle is there, I can't, CAN'T, lose my ability to love this genre of television. So rather it's a new UK format (like "Chase the Case"), a new reboot (like "Double Dare") or just an existing show right now (like a "Jeopardy") it's now a need, at least on my creative focus, from the game theory, to set design, to package and casting, I do break it down, and I know that feeling won't go away. (Hey game show friends who might read this, send me a positive message on Facebook sometime)
READ 1 COMIC BOOK I watched a bunch of taking toons and Rob Paulsen made it seem like voice over is the place to go. I had all these doubts about this, because I am not good at singing, I can't pronounce things correctly sometimes, I don't have a range and break accents as badly as a DCTV series with that good looking model... but then I read Voice-Over Voice Actor by Tara Platt and Yuri Lowenthal. I can't spoil that book, because it goes into detail about everything from auditions to microphones for private studio... but the book did offer one piece of advice - the important part isn't how many different voices you can do, but how you can practice with the ones you can do, even if it's just yourself.
And you could line-read all you want, I think that's very helpful, but I have been reading PDF scripts since dial-up modems. From South Park to Batman 1989, screenplays were a thing online to find and read, tv shows or movies, it's kind of the fun that got me into screenwriting (over actual creative writing with chapters and essays)
But I figure, reading screenplays, while common, just isn't fun. Especially if it's movies I already know. So I figure the next best thing is comic books, you have multiple characters, faces describe emotion and action, there is narration, and reading it takes a good 20 minutes. (1 page per minute, much like a movie)
Treat it like a storyboard, and just talk it out, it doesn't matter if I screw up accents, or can't do a good female voice, it's the fun of talking through a comic that makes it so much fun.
(Hey DC, Quick idea for a format for your streaming service - get voice over actors to read out loud comic books, it's fun!)
It's better than being a snob with microphones and switchboards, I just want to practice, I am not trying to land a part on Voltron (although hey, I am available 😉)
SAY NO TO CAFFEINE i haven't had a soda in a week, I haven't had a coffee or tea either, it was national coffee day on Sunday and I didn't even drink the free coffee drink I got for buying a cupcake. Yeah, I might say no to soda, but I know I need some sugar in my life or else I will crash and burn. Currently, all I have is some fruit punch Gatorade, I'm not doing lacroix, I don't want to burp, I just gotta find a alternative that will work for me, even if it just winds up being chocolate milkshake and orange smoothies or even protein drinks, I just can't handle it. It messed me up, and that's why I just say no.
JUST DO A BIT OF EXERCISE BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT because of dehydration with water, cramping, not feeling focused, I just never got back into my rhythm with exercise, while it would look SUPER NICE to lose a few pounds and gain some muscle mass and abs, I know one thing and that's that it takes time and patience, and some people it's easier for, that much like what I'm doing - just do the fun stuff! Pick up weights and dance with them, do some wiifit, it doesn't matter if I'm not toned, toning comes with time, and if I go back in right now, it could be very dangerous, but hey, if casting needs "a sexy brooding cutie", I will gladly spend a few hours at the gym to fix things, but right now, I need to take care of myself, and I should do just the fun things!
DO SOMETHING NICE I am just sick of assholes trying to exclude women and minorites and queer people in things I enjoy. Rather it's Comic Books, Video Games or Movies. Every day, I browse around the Twitter and Discord. I see so many talented artists and writers, and it doesn't hurt to give them that retweet, or send them a comment letting them know even if it feels like this original project they are making is going nowhere - that it probably has already helped somebody struggling feel comfort that they haven't had. So many assholes trying to grift socially awkward, morally selfish individuals into thinking if it's not a straight white male, it's "feminists taking your toys away". Either thinking "everybody's already equal and now I'm going to be left out" or "it's about me not you, get a new hobby". And time and time again, I do see people hurt, I see people who are in my shoes. Lacking confidence in themselves to continue drawing, to continue writing that next chapter in a story, because to them "I'm a nobody" or "Nobody wants to see a character that's (insert not-wasp trait here)" and even if it's to chime in to say "you never know unless you try" or simply finding a creator or writer of something you enjoy, and letting them know because of their projects from your childhood, it got you interested in something, you have no idea how much it would make them feel.
Because, at least in my mind, if we are going to fucking live in a fucking reality show, you might as well come across as one of the "heroes" in the show, even if you get betrayed by a villain so they get ahead, even if you fail every challenge but have a smile on your face, never lose sight on optimism, and pointing out that the villains just want to take every advantage to win, and sometimes, it really is all about making friends.
So do something nice, even if it's just helping your neighbor or friend get something. Even if they don't thank you, just know that maybe sometime in the near future, some stranger might help you out and change your life for the better!
I guess VRV got rid of running man, but I have been watching "Talking Toons with Rob Paulsen" I enjoy it still, but I recently just cancelled my subscription, luckily he does have the podcast on audio, and I definitely will just go back to it in December and just binge all 12 episodes I missed in a sitting.
I also watched on Amazon Prime "DocuMental" a reality game show from Japan where 10 contestants pony up a million yen of their own money to prove they are the funniest person in the room, with one simple rule - you laugh you lose. I didn't know Japanese comedy was just how quickly it could trickle down to gay pornography I would find on PornHub, but sure! It is however very funny at the introspective on how to get comedians, who heard every joke there is, to laugh.
Giant Bomb has a great new series called Jeff Gerstmann's Pro Skater where Jeff goes through every Tony Hawk game, and it's just so enjoyable to be so nostalgic over a video game I spent weekends playing.
I have been listening to Podcast the Ride, a theme park podcast in the same vein as Doughboys, but with theme park rides, and they have done a daily, 19 part, extremely necessary series talking about the stores, restaurants, and wonderful magic that make up Universal CityWalk Hollywood. There is a sector keeper that's a ghost, they didn't talk about the five towers stage, I think that's bullshit.
Also tonight I watched Cuplicated on Vioobu and I busted out laughing. Some of my favorite people in comedy (and podcasting) appear in this PERFECT satire of streaming services, as well as the trope of comedians doing dramas (complete with nods to Louie and Master of None, and totally didn't predict their awful behavior) . I seriously fell over laughing, the last time that happened was Hidden America with Jonah Ray. Be sure to find "Clip Cup" to find a great satire of clip show comedy shows. It is so fucking good!
And finally, as much as I just faded out of wrestling, I still find amazing charm, comedy and entertainment when it comes to Bryan and Vinny show on vimeo. I do not subscribe to the newsletter, I don't use the message board, but this podcast where they talk retro raw, retro wcw, and modern ppvs from New Japan, it just fascinates me, and is the same level of passion and enjoyment that I get from so many of my favorite podcasts. Producer Rob is fantastic and I hope Bryan Alvarez pays him enough from his gold boat that he can have a gold Sea-Doo, or maybe at the very least, a gold boogie board!
Now if you excuse me, I have to figure out why I still sweat too much before bedtime (and no, it's not honking one out)